Out & Proud

On the bus this morning, I remembered that yesterday, October 11th, was National Coming Out Day in the U.S. and I thought, 'Hey, I should change my Facebook status to "Out and Proud" when I get home." Thinking, yeah, I'm out and proud and I'd like to say it out loud!

The afternoon carried on quite nicely out of the house and away from computer, tucked in a cafe and wandering the streets of a posh area of the city. I felt much different on the bus ride home, unlocking the door, plopping down on my sofa to wet laundry in the wash and the fading light.

Out and proud, I am, but I had forgotten what a privilege it is. To be young, have accepting families and friends, inhabit a privileged body with a girlie sense of fashion, fallen in love with someone of the same sex (and be able to be with them), to be out AND proud, or proud AND out.

So what am I exactly out and proud about? Four years ago I made the decision to come out to people I met: in passing conversation, an intimate chat, a budding friendship. My decision to come out--as a bisexual, a queer woman, a fluid human being--was based on a few decisions: a) I had just moved to a new country and was living in a totally new environment and I felt b) due to my feminine appearance (a conscious performance on my part) that I would not be read as 'not-straight' unless I told people and c) I had finally figured it out and I wasn't going to back track now. I was 20 then, and it was a year for learning, a lot of learning, much of which wasn't exactly pleasant.

The decision, though, became grounded in me and I have stuck to it, almost to a fault sometimes (i.e. conversations across a pub counter), in another new country which I now inhabit. In all understandable definitions then, I am out.

Which, in turn, makes me proud of myself, for my own journey. But it is a pride in which I do not feel 'better than.' 'Out and Proud' echoes other rally cries of joining together for the cause of equality or visibility or justice. All valiant causes to be pursued vigilantly.

I do believe that if everyone everywhere who was queer stood up and was counted, without effect to their current position or family or status, it would be something to be proud about--a truth told. But it isn't always that easy--or queer-forward, if you will. Coming out is an individual decision with its own story and its own journey, and this is part of mine.