June

A hectic month. Projects. Exams. Surfacing from the underground to sunshine and no coat and finding out the coffee stall at the market makes one of the best mochas I've ever had. There's a park behind the theatre? Next to the Tube station, and I never knew? Hello, lunch in the park with my home-made ham sandwiches and sun tanning on my hour break. Tomatoes growing up up up, buds clustering in the branches. My love snuggling here, my love showering her with kisses, two months, so soon. 'This must be what bliss feels like.'

Good Morning

"Sent me a text message."

"When?"

"In my dream. Before I woke up. You sent me a text message. You said, "Don"t let it own you.""

She pats my shoulder as she walks by.

"Huh. I like it when I am wise."

What acknowlegements are for

I washed the dishes, cleaned the countertops. I even swept the floor. I took in the laundry, and the made my lunch break on time. I even made a few people smile.

I laughed.

Proud

I really like it when I've kept to my word. Tonight I turned on my computer and had a sense of dread that not only had I not written today, but that I'd forgotten to post yesterday as well--and well, it was a sad feeling. But then, I had written yesterday--and written a lengthy post I was proud of!--AND caught up from a weekend away/holiday AND I've been on top of writing something for every day of the week for almost the whole year already! Damn, new year's resolutions, this project started last May and it's still kickin'.

I got stressed today on multiple occasions with wanting to do a whole heap of things and not really having the daylight-awake hours. And still, I had breakfast at home with our lovely house guest/dear friend; worked for 3 1/2 hours at the restaurant; got my butt across London just barely on time for said friend's storytelling gig; had tea with my love along the Thames; went grocery shopping; made dinner; watched an episode of GLEE (SOO GOOD!); and blogged. Seriously, not a bad day.

Sitting 'Round

It's so good to sit 'round with people who just get you. Even if you've not known them that long, sometimes, it just makes sense. It's comfortable, familiar. Thank goodness for being in the family.

You see...

You see, throughout the day different events capture my imagination and a little switch in my brain goes 'Ooh, that would make a good blog post.' Funny, witty, heart-wrenching, evoking, dull: it all has potential. And then the day carries on, as it does. There is work to be done, a train to catch, dinner to make or dishes to do. By the time I sit down to write as part of my daily committment to my writing practice my eyelids are already heavy, my wrist sore, and my lover falling asleep. I am not complaining. This is my life. In this moment. Beautiful things happening all the time. Things that fill out the shape and provide contrast.

This morning as I was awoken by my lover to say goodbye. She said to me: 'Remember: there will be only one 11th of February 2010.'

Wind Instruments

I picked up my clarinet again tonight for the first time in over a year. More like a year and a half. The last time I played it was a warm, cloud-free summer evening Culver City, the porch light, a few flying insects and an aluminum trailer to keep me company.

For the past few days, my fingers have started to itch to play. Family has been visiting, I've had to work, emails and to-do lists have been beckoning me. But tonight as I got off the phone with a dear (and musically talented) friend eight time zones away, I saw the clocked ticked 15 mins until a reasonable bed time--just enough for a few goes on the clarinet.

Like the QWERTY keyboard is to me now, my fingers knew their respective positions on my wind instrument. Of all the items in my possession, my clarinet may be one of the oldest: we bought it for my second year of band in school and it's been with me ever since. I was probably an intermediate clarinetist when I stopped, and the beginners book is really what I'd prefer at the moment, and there is some sense of freedom and history in just playing a few notes, running a few scale patterns together--like picking up a conversation with a long lost friend and remembering it the same as ever with refreshing nuances and changes since you last spoke.

Writings from the Day

"I have the strongest feeling that what seem to be 'airplanes' now will, in fact, turn out to be start of the wishing variety sooner than you think."

"Every day now I'm feeling more and more alive and myself again, sort of pre-dissertation ish/post-/there's more to life than writing a paper. All these things I'd forgotten I was doing for a while: writing poetry, sewing, blogging, breathing. It's almost like a thaw: tingles & shoots of green enticing the imagination. Feeling awake; I'm so thankful."

"... the perfect dissertation hangover cure..."

For Wednesday - My Birthday

Yes, it is way past my birthday. And, I'm still thinking about it. It relates to the momentum taking place in my life, the changes, the building of energy I am trying to create.

Somewhere out in the world, and on the coffee table at Stewart Springs, there is a birthday book which tells you what kind of person you are based on what day you were born. December 20th is apparently the day of The Generator. As such a person, one is very good at short term bursts of energy, starting up projects, etc. with skill and enthusiasm to lift them off the ground. People of my birth, well, we generate anything from creative endeavors to technical projects. When I read that description, it really made sense: I love starting up a new project, getting it off the ground. And I am damn good at it. I'd also like to stick around a bit longer to see how it pans out.

Saturday after New Years

The New Year is wonderful, changing up all that you take as 'normal' in your life. I woke up New Year's morning feeling grounded, fresh, and at peace. The 2nd of January, I found myself wondering about the 'high' of New Years, and what you do when it's no longer the 1st of January and the world may not be so fresh.