Looking at Myself in the Mirror

Less than a year ago, I was usually surprised by my reflection, imagining someone eight years younger. It was not a desire to look younger or a critique of my age, but an internal image I had of myself that wasn't quite up to scratch what she had to do in life.

Today I saw my 24 years, 10 months and 16 day old face. It was lovely.

This Work

This work that I am doing, it feels like I am demons. In some ways I am: they are that nasty. But 'they' are not separate from me. 'They' are the thoughts, deep deep way way way down, that somewhere along the line my mind decided to tuck away for keeps--driving me forever forward, stripping away creativity, gratitude, truth-telling.

In a sense then, they are demons of my minds creation; they are definitely not angels, nor are they helpful. Thoughts--beliefs--I have barely managed to ever speak aloud: I am broken. I am meaningless. I am not worth living for.

Me? I think these things about Me? Erica? Creative and joyful and loving?

Yes. I don't like to admit it, but these beliefs live in the dark recesses of my mind that want control--I am broken; I am meaningless; I am not worth living for--they exist.

But they are FALSE.

And this work I am doing--standing in my authority, noticing, truth-telling, clear on purpose--it is hard work. But it is radical work.

Pulling it up by its roots. Throwing the demons away.

Why?

Because I am worth it. I am so worth it. Life is worth it, too.

Mastery

J: 'I was threatened.'

E: 'She was encouraged.'

A: 'Ah, those empowering words.'

Untitled

'And what did life bring you?'

May 7 & May 8

It is time to start a new. Life shock. Life shock. I want to pursue something true. I want my talents to be utilized, appreciated. Life shock. I want to love what I do. I won't love it all the time, but when I absolutely loath whatever it is I'm doing, I want there to be some part of why I'm sticking around. Cause I know that when I really want something, I will stay. I will make it through that day, conversation, interaction. Life shock. I will get there. Where? Here. In me. Life shock. Breathe. There is time. There is no rush. Breathe. Today. Right now. Here. In love.

More to Life

www.moretolife.org

noticing.