Why Drag

I have been thinking a lot recently about drag, gender, and performance--singularly and in varied combination. Trained academically to believe that gender is constructed, I am pretty comfortable with the notion, theoretically, that all gender is performance. What I put on the morning, how I react in conversation, my likes and dislikes are related to a constructed gender in which I have become socially accustomed to and which on some level I choose to participate in--or, rather, to perform.

Up until a few months ago, I felt that just choosing "how girlie" to be was my choice in the daily performance of my gender. In other words, how much pink or sparkles, how many dresses or tights I chose to wore was part of that performance. I also felt that the level at which I was engaging with this "socially acceptable girlie-ness" (pink, dresses, make-up, etc.) was attributed to how much "I wanted to play along" that day (i.e. if I wasn't "playing along," I was just in jeans and a t-shirt that fit me) or how much "I was displaying the performativity of gender" (i.e. if I decided to do my hair, make-up, nails, wear heels and multiple accessories with my skirt or dress than I was obviously "performing gender" if someone really knew me at all.) These beliefs are shifting.

Segueway to London Fashion. I have become increasingly aware of the fashion industry--what's in, what's out, who's wearing what--upon moving to London. Part of this is because London is a major fashion capital and it's around. Another part of it, I think, has to do with a comment from someone I met on London Fashion. They said "London doesn't have a look. Here, anything goes." That can be said of any city really to some extent, but I have yet to pin down a specific look--other than "anything goes." Yes, there are fashion trends that are ubiquitous (huge belts, leather, demin, purple is so the fall color), but in London you can walk onto the tube, down the high street, or into a bar if you've got the confidence to pull off "your look," no one bats an eye.

This freedom of "anything goes" has been infectous when all I have to do with walk with confidence to pull it off. Fluttering, I have attempted to dabble, fashion wise, in every "genre" you can think of (and much to my amusement in getting dressed each morning).

At the same time, my interest drag king performance has heightened considerably. I became interested in performing in drag a few years ago, but lived in Santa Cruz and then LA and never felt comfortable trying to seek out a scene to try it out in. London, on the other hand, appears to have all sorts of thriving performance communities--from burlesque to drag to dance/choirs/bands/you name it. I will admit the drag queen venues far out number the drag king ones (and by that I mean there isn't a "drag king venue" I can find) but I don't feel discouraged. Another shift.

What I am realizing is that these shifts in my beliefs about my daily performance of gender (female) and my desire to perform a performance to gender (male) are becoming more and more about choice and purpose and desire. Every day, I choose how to present "who I am" to the world I interact with, and that is not a static act. When that performance is a (conscious) choice (and it isn't always), I have a purpose to explore the creativity of that performance--the textures, the colors, the styles, the walk, the feelings. And, I have a desire to explore the performance of a gender other than my daily (performed, dyanmic) one: a desire which is not solely linked to gender or sexuality; a desire to unpick automatic reactions, learned behaviour, clothing.